Decorum

Decorum is often used to describe the whole respect system, but it can also refer specifically to the physical acts of respect that the Dynasty expects of people. This is in contrast to politeness, which is generally the theory of respect.

Bowing

Physical contact is an intimate act, so most greetings and physical respect is done via bowing.

Bowing Etiquette

Do not bow while moving; stop, bow, and continue. Likewise, do not bow while speaking: finish your statement, bow, and then continue speaking.

If you are bowing to someone who is inclined beneath you, do not bow to them from above; move to their position, then bow. If this is unfeasible – for example, bowing to someone from a path above to a path below – bow more deeply to make up for the difference in height.

Greet a standing bow with a standing bow; if you have to stand up, do so.

For most situations, bow once. If you are offering or receiving a gift or hospitality, bow twice. If you are apologizing, bow at least three times, possibly more if you feel extra bad.

Position of the Hands

The position of the hands varies based on personal background, gender, and a variety of other factors. In general, men bow with the hands at the sides, palms flat against the leg. Women bow with the hands on the front of the thighs, palms against the leg.

When servants bow to their masters, they intwine their fingers and press their thumbs together in a sort of teardrop shape, and press the hands against the solar plexus. Soldiers and martial artists usually bow with a wushu salute, fist pressed into palm in front of the body. Monks and gurus often present their hands palms-up in front of themselves as they bow. Elder monks bow with their hands pressed together like in prayer; do not bow like this unless you are bowing in return to an elder monk, or you yourself are an elder monk.

A number of other hand positions can indicate other factors, but the above is sufficient to get through most situations.

The First Bow: Inclining the Head

The shallowest bow is to simply incline the head, hold for a moment, and then raise the head.

The first bow is appropriate for a Dynast receiving a bow from an unexceptional peasant; for a friend to greet another friend returning to the table at dinner; to excuse oneself to get up to the restroom; and so forth. It is a non-bow; it is used in place of a more formal bow when all present acknowledge that a full bow would be unnecessary.

The Second Bow: Shallow

The second bow is at roughly 15 degrees. It is also called the shallow bow or the neighbor bow.

The second bow is appropriate to greet an equal friend-of-a-friend, to greet one’s neighbor in the morning, to greet another minister when you enter their office to deliver a report, or to acknowledge your father or father-in-law. The shallow bow is a straightforward acknowledgement.

The Third Bow: Common

The third bow is at roughly 40, 45, or 50 degrees, bending about halfway forward. This bow is also called the common bow; in most situations, if you don’t know what kind of bow to use, the third bow will suffice (note that if you should be doing a deeper bow, you’ll know it, because the other person will clearly be your superior).

The third bow is appropriate to greet your host in preparation for dinner, to perform to a superior minister when you come to give them your work, to begin or end a duel, to receive or offer a gift to an equal or parent, to acknowledge your mother or mother-in-law, and so on.

The Fourth Bow: Reverent

The fourth bow is anything from about 70 degrees to as far forward as you can go. This is the most formal bow you can offer before getting on your knees.

The fourth bow is appropriate to offer apology to an equal, to greet your direct-line ancestors of sufficient age, and during formal ceremonies it is performed toward passing monks. The fourth bow is a sign of deep respect and probably should not be used lightly.

Returning a Bow

Always return a bow that is offered to you, even if only with a head nod. In many cases, you’ll want to return with a bow deeper than the first bow, and so your partner might feel obligated to return your return bow with a return return bow, and so on. This “bow war” will naturally resolve when the bows become too shallow.

Genuflection and Prostration

When bows are insufficient, genuflection and prostration can be performed as an even deeper display of respect.

Genuflection: Bending the Knee

A genuflection is performed by taking a position on one knee, usually the right, and bending the body forward; at least halfway, but usually all the way, with the knee-same hand on the ground for support.

The only common use of genuflection is to offer an apology to an elder. In this case, the younger will genuflect before the elder and stare at the ground while offering his apology. If she decides to accept his apology, the elder will offer her hands to the younger. He presses her hands against his face for a few moments to solemnly recognize his apology. Then, he remains in genuflection until she has turned her back and allows him to be seated.

Soldiers genuflect for the general but remain upright, hands on spears, during formal ceremonies or when the general receives a great honor.

If you are ever called upon to meet with your own House’s matriarch, you will be genuflected for the whole meeting until she leaves her throne.

Prostration

Prostration is the deepest and most uncommon display of respect. To genuflect, you lay down on the ground with your arms crossed and your forehead against your arms.

There are two situations in which you, as a Dynast, may have performed prostrations. The first is if you have ever been granted an audience with the matriarch of another House; you would have prostrated yourself as she entered the room and only risen to kneel once she bid you to do so.

Secondly, if you were ever so greatly honored as to be granted an audience with the Empress, you would remain prostrate for the entire meeting until she bid you to rise to be seated.

Offering and Accepting a Gift

The gift-giver will present the gift with a suitably indirect line. The recipient will refuse three times before accepting. After each refusal, the giver must come up with a new insistance.

When making an insistance, bow twice. When refusing, bow once. When you finally accept, bow three times.

Auspicious gifts should be wrapped with white, green, red, blue, or black paper. Yellow paper should be avoided. Offer and accept the gift using both hands; do not ever offer or accept a gift using the left hand.

Appropriate Gifts

A truly auspicious gift has a story which reflects thought from the giver. For example, an offering of fine wine can be viewed as very generic and will not bring acclaim. An offering of a scroll case carried by a famous ancestor would be appreciated.

Hospitality

The host must refuse hospitality three times before they are finally permitted to offer it. Hospitality is a gift because it brings standing on the host for being a good host.

The host must offer a guest anything that the guest desires; the guest is expected to refuse things which they know are unreasonable. Observing the rule of threes, a fourth refusal is genuinely taken to be a real and proper refusal.

The guest is expected to bring a gift. As usual, the gift will be refused three times. The gift is greatly appreciated. The guest is not expected to defer the cost of reasonable things like food, but such offers, when made, are extremely gracious.

Dining

Do not begin your meal until the oldest person at the table has started to eat. Do not eat too quickly and thus appear gluttonous, or too slowly and insult the food and cook.

Dishes are served communally at the center of the table and you will be served a portion by someone else. Never eat directly from the dish, even for a sample. Do not touch the food with your hands unless it is an appetizer course. When touching food with your hands, do not use your left hand; the left hand is bad luck.

Do not serve yourself. You will be served by someone else. If you are a guest, you will be served by the host; otherwise, a peer will fill your glass and your plate whenever you run low. To indicate that you have finished with your meal, lay your chopsticks across the plate with the narrow end facing to the right.

If you are serving someone a drink, make sure you do not pour horizontally left relative to either of you. The best bet is to face them, pour forward, and then set down the pitcher. Do not fill a glass more than halfway because this implies that the other person is gluttonous. Tap your glass twice against the table before drinking if it contains alcohol for good luck.

If you are served soup, slurping is encouraged and acceptable as adding air to the soup enhances the flavor. If you are served food which produces waste such as shells, peels, or carapaces, be sure that you place the waste directly into the designated waste bowls and do not leave it on your plate.

One of the dishes available at the table is a small personal dish of water which you can use after the finger appetizer course to clean your hands. You may only use your bowl once; after washing your fingers the first time, the water is dirty and cannot be touched again. Don’t forget to wash your fingers. If you should need to wash your fingers again, you should place the wash bowl to the left of your place and a servant will replace it with clean water.

Pay ample compliments. Complimenting the food shows your own good manners – which accrues status for yourself – and reflects positively upon the host for their good taste. Should you find some food not to your liking, do not comment on it and thus bring shame to the person who has served you; instead, politely express your enthusiasm for another dish. The other person should pick up that this means you don’t like what you were just served and not serve it to you again. You still have to finish what’s on your plate, though.